so today was absolutely pointless. BUT!

so on thursday i came down with a nasty cold. i still cannot feel my ears. yep, that's right. my ears. i have had problems with my ears and sinuses ever since i was born. i woke up yesterday and i thought my right ear was gone because i couldn't hear out of it at all.
but my mother, bless her, insisted i still go to school--so she gave me some pills (not A pill, several of them--she works in private health care and has pharmaceutical friends who tell her what drugs not to mix) and sent me off.
you know what pisses me off? when people think that school HAS to come before everything. i could have really used today to recover, honestly. i'm not trying to miss a test or anything. it was an easy enough day. let me give you a summary:
zero period: history. my teacher is a lovely laid-back person who had us answer reading comprehension questions pretty much all period. i adore that class. fucking easiest thing ever.
first period: math. otherwise known as my impending demise. because it ain't algebra. it's precalculus. luckily, on the day i can't hear anything and i'm swimming in acetaminophen, we review synthetic division. i have to explain to my bemused acquaintances that the reason why i'm falling out of my chair is because my mother drugged me so i could come to school. they give me very sympathetic, worried glances.
i know they don't believe me....who would? but they are kind enough to go along with it.
second period: physics. this class is so easy that if sarah palin got her head out of her ass long enough to see what a mess she's making doing what she's doing now, she could easily pass it. we're doing a lab unit on electromagnetics and other electro-stuff. you know, things with light bulbs and compasses. and...CAPACITATORS.
now, amber, you say. it's a capacitor, not a capacitator. to be honest i'd be over the moon if i found out my humble little blog winds up having a following of electricians and astrophysicists. but yeah....there's this thing that either holds charge or extinguishes lightbulbs, i dunno which yet, called a capacitor. and our teacher, who is normally not nit-picky, got nit-picky about people calling it capacitators. he had us say it with him correctly a few times, like he was a kindergarten teacher--which he is, because we are all bumbling fools. so now, of course, being the boisterous and annoying teenagers we are, all of us gleefully call it a CAPACITAAATOR every single time he is within earshot, as many times as possible. today in class went something like this:
me: (i sit in the second row) so, jenna, can you hand me the CAPACITATOR?
jenna: (my patient, kind, good-humored lab partner) sure. do you think we need a bigger CAPACITATOR?
the guy who sits behind us: my CAPACITATOR isn't charging, jenna. am i doing it wrong?
and since my dad is an aerospace engineer, it also annoys him when i call it that.
ohh, it's so easy to make scientists upset.
third period: french. i am a junior but due to having to take a health class--a useless waste of california's already decaying monies--i am in french 2, rather than 3. we have a sub who is from switzerland and speaks very pure, good french. i swear i've never seen an ugly swiss person before, because she was also very lovely. we watched a movie with that guy who is in cyrano de bergerac? you know, girard something....i'lll tell you, his chin makes jay leno's chin look dainty.
fourth period: english. my favorite time of day. the only time when i am allowed to be thoroughly insufferable and use words such as insufferable in conversation. we discuss toni morrison's masterwork Beloved for a bit and she lets us go to work on our group essays. my group, chris and kyle, are two of my best friends, and so they kindly allow me to babble on about I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING while they discuss feminist overtones in the book. they are saints for putting up with me. bless them. i actually do a fair share of the work, but just not the logistics. i am terrible with planning and blueprinting. and thinking things through. i mean i'll think for a few minutes, sometimes for a few days if it's that important--but not on the how and on what page and what time do i get there--but about why i'm doing it, what it means to such-and-such, how similar or dissimilar it is to something marilyn monroe or jesus or ghandi would do, and whether or not my mother will find out.
like, for instance, creating this blog.
i'm too lazy to input a picture of apolo ohno or evan lysacek or shaun white--the three olympians whom i'm currently lusting after. go google it yourself. imma go drink some cloraseptic now.

just like any other day.

i have recently come to the realisation that i lead a very boring life.
well, at least i think so. i woke up late today because i stayed up late to watch the amazing shaun white win gold. if you don't know who i'm talking about, he is to snowboarding and those action-oriented, X-game type sports what michael jordan is to basketball. he has style, grace, and he is quite brave. he can launch twenty feet into the air, do two flips and three rotations at once, and land it perfectly--and he makes it look like he's eating granola. i mean he makes it look so natural and effortless. last night was breathtaking to watch. i snowboard, so i am a bit of a fangirl but i also have a bit of understanding about the sport.
so i woke up late, put on some mascara, and walked to school. school was pretty easy. except by my second period i felt a bit of scratchiness in my throat.
now, let me paint the picture for you a bit. viruses and other random ailments stick to me like flypaper. i suffered a bout of pneumonia in october that seriously made me so sick i could not walk for a week. i contracted scarlet fever in eighth grade, which is essentially strep throat with a giant appetite. if it gets into your blood and then into your heart, it can kill you. luckily, my mother works in private health care and so she can consult all sorts of specialists and pediatricians to take care of me. i have been blessed that way. but i'm still sick now.
i was walking to my locker with a friend, right when lunch began. some of our friends walked by and essentially told him he needed a girl. my first thought was, no, girls need him. because my friend is a sweet, patient fellow who would make any girl deliriously happy. if that girl was good enough to deserve him. so i told him this.
i think there is a weird and stupid expectation our society has of people--like, if you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend or spouse, there is something somehow wrong with you. and i have never understood that. luckily, the heinous commercialist blitz of valentine's day is now over--so it's not at the forefront of my mind anymore. i happen to think that single people have the glorious advantage of time. not to mention i'm in high school, where most relationships are absurdly superficial. the charm and failure of young love is its inherent naivete, its innocence.
and then i came home at noon--i have a strange schedule which enables me to be done each day when lunch gets out--made some tea, and checked the huffington post, because i like them. this led me to reading rather an interesting interview with rob pattinson. whatever you think of twilight, he is a genuinely interesting, intellectual guy. i think we are very much the same in the sense that i fidget like a hummingbird, and if you watch pattinson in an interview, he always fidgets. tugging on his hair, biting his lip, rubbing his jaw. i'm like that except i'm not as pretty as he is...
so now i'm sitting here, coughing, trying not to think about the group essay outline i have to start aimconferencing on soon.

because i wanted to.

so today is valentine's day. and half the world is probably reeling from romantic complications and chocolate and there are probably way too many people eating expensive dinners, as i'm typing.

i have to say, for once i'm envious of those people. because today my grandfather passed away. he was a strange man but i loved him anyway. he had been sick for some time, wasting away, really. i haven't spoken to my father yet (it was his dad) but i can only imagine the heartache in his eyes right now. i'm sitting here waiting for him to come home, so i can make him some soup and watch the olympics together. heaven knows i'm worried about him.

anyways, the reason why i have this blog is because i was reading that Julie and Julia book, by Julie Powell, and she had a blog. i have always wanted a place to say whatever i'm feeling, whatever is on my mind, and broadcast it to the whole world because i am a narcissist. i thought perhaps youtube would offer me this but soon after creating an account on which to actually upload videos, i realized that i would have to look nice all the damn time with a youtube account. let me say this: i am no movie star. i often prefer to loaf around in leggings and thick sweaters, even though i live in california. i am in denial. i hate sunny weather, it doesn't agree with my skin and my dreams of living in the lush, verdant english countryside. i suppose i'm just not girlie enough for youtube.

anyways, so i thought why not make a blog? i like to write and i feel it is good practice for me, because although it's not dissimilar to a journal entry, i'm talking to someone else (i hope), not me. to be honest, if even one person reads this, i'll be thrilled. it felt like a somber sort of day, and it is good to do something productive on somber days, you know. it makes you feel a little less trapped. even if it's something like doing the dishes. i can't even tell you how soothing it is after something bad happens to wash plates and cups with scalding hot water and lemony soap, the steam blossoming around your head.

the other reason why i am having a blog is because, honestly, so many people use the internet to say vapid things. this is not going to be a blog about vapid things. i am an aficionado of literature, film, music, and art. am going to write about these things, and life, and the observations i have about these things.

some other stuff you should know.

1. i am sixteen years of age.

2. i have a bit of an interest in makeup, so i may make an aside about it here or there, if i find a product i really like or something. to me makeup is artistry with a face as a canvas. i find it fascinating.

3. i like poetry. i am one of about three people on the planet, it seems, who likes poetry. i am particularly fond of byron, keats, and this one poet by the name of max erhmann.

4. oooh! and guess what? i like philosophy too.

5. i am obsessed with music. this is why my blog has the name it does. my other obsessions: marilyn monroe, coldplay, bob dylan, U2, david bowie, oasis, old movies, jimi hendrix, princess diana, and lots of other things i can't think of.

6. i am an animal lover and i have three cats and one dog.

today is valentine's day. today my valentine is grief. i hope you fare better than me.

i'll be back soon with a more upbeat post.